Dear John: Letters from Angela—8
How did Angela describe an unpleasant family interaction?
Jan 22, 1992
How are you doing? Well it's going to be three weeks tomorrow being back in Southern California. I did had a nice time in New York, but it would of been better because number one I've gotten hurt emotionally by my Aunt [redacted]. Aunt [redacted] was very drunk at the time when she said some very hurtful things to me. It took two to tangle because I was also recovering from another major depressive episode which made me more sensitive than ever. Well on that same night after the emotional hurt I've thought about the things she said to me and some of it was true. So I've started to apologize to her over and over again and both my cousin and her gotten really annoyed with me and then I went into a frenzied agitated state and I was very mad at myself too. I was almost out of control. Then I calmed down, and called my psychiatrist in California and he called me back in New York and told me to increase my dosage of the anti-depressant so I can be calm down and maybe better in a few days. I did by the next day the agitation was completely gone, but I still felt very hurt and mad at myself. I also still had some residue of my depressive episode. Thats why I was so sensitive and became severely agitated. If I didn't have a depressive episode around that time I would of been a lot prettier person to be with, but instead I was very ugly person to be with because of this depression.
I'm an ugly duckling when I'm depressed, but right now I'm doing a lot better, positive changes in me. Otherwise my time in New York was good. I had a good visit with my cousin. I had fun ice skating in Central Park. I seen St. Patrick's Cathedral and other good stuff. The plane ride was nice.
Well I wish I can get on better terms with my aunt. Even though she hurt me, I still love her very much. I tried to explain to her the last night I was there about why I was very obnoxious and agitated, but she shut me out. So the next day flying home I cried a lot on the flight home because I was hurt. I am still going to keep in contact with them. I've gotten a letter from my cousin which made me feel a little better, but it still hurts now. Maybe in a few weeks when things calm down I'll give her a call.
On the positive side, I am getting leads on a job. Right now I am getting evaluated at Goodwill for a job. I am getting evaluated three weeks in each department. Three weeks in Food Service and another three weeks in Production and Assembly. Then after the evaluation I will be meeting with my rehabilitation counselor and the staff from Goodwill to go over it and see where I am best suited at and decide. Then I'll go on to be trained and after being trained I'll be placed on a job. I've been in Food Service for a 1/2 a week now. At first things were difficult, but I am catting on to things now. I did had difficulty following directions orally which is still a big problem, but as a result I became very perseverant and not give up.
Back to my depression in away I think God did allow it to happen because I became a very patient person, because when I was in New York, my first cousin once removed who is five years old stayed with us for three days and she was very hyperactive. Her name is [D; redacted]. She really drove my Aunt [redacted] and my cousin [C; redacted] up the wall. They became annoyed with her and impatient. Well I was the only one who was patient with [D] and did not get annoyed with her. I've spend a lot of time with her and tried to find ways to keep her occupied such as playing games with her.
Well when my cousin [C] and I were talking alone he commented that it seems that I have more patience with [D] than him or his mother. [C] wondered if I had more experience with children like [D] and also if it because seeing my nephew [K; redacted] being hyperactive. Well I wasn't around [K] much. I only experienced him a little bit. I am think that my experience with Depression developed tolerance and patience that I have with other people's weaknesses.
I even seen myself in [D] also because I was hyperactive when I was her age and I know what she is going through.
These are the things I developed while I was in special education class at Cal State LA. While I was dealing with [redacted; fellow student 'O']. I remember everytime Mrs. B. assigned [N] to me as a partner I felt very uncomfortable. I even had the willies around [O] also, probably because I was afraid of her because she was different, but the more times I became her partner I developed my patience with her. Also with others like ['L'; redacted; fellow student] and [‘M’; redacted; fellow student].
I am still with Brian. We are getting married still. We moved our wedding date to Sept. 26, 1992 because I'll probably be more established working at a job.
Well John thats all for now. Keep in touch! I'll continued to pick up things I gain in special ed and jot them down to you okay!
EP.S. Tell Corey and Pat hi