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Dear John: Letters from Angela—10
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Dear John: Letters from Angela—10

What became of Angela over the years?

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John Wills Lloyd
Jan 16, 2022
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Dear John: Letters from Angela—10
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When I first met Angela, I was an 18-year-old who knew about 2 on a scale of 100 about kids with disabilities. I’d volunteered to work as a helper in swimming instruction for kids with visual disabilities when I was about 14 years old; that was it! I was naive. But I learned a lot quickly thanks to new friends. Here’s a quick recap.

Colleagues

During our first year of college, Pat and I stumbled onto a situation that changed my life. We volunteered in classrooms for kids with disabilities. We had the good fortune to work with, and often become friends with, many fine special educators (see Lloyd & Lloyd, 20xx). I want to tip my hat to them, but this is a story about Angela, so let’s stay focused on that story.

Kids

I also learned a lot, probably the most in retrospect, from the kids. I was, in fact, already reading the literature at that time. From it, I learned about the reciprocal relationship between child and adult behavior. Sure, praising child attention to task increased attention to task...but that increase in attention to task reinforced my praising.

Some kids may have had disabilities, but they responded according to what I and my colleagues were doing. I learned, in fact, that the kids “gave a damn” about what we were doing. They learned that if we did X after they did Y, they would do more (or less) Y-ing.

WTF? I learned that what I did had immediate (and lasting) effects on what the kids did?

For example, we used to have what we called “days” in one of Angela’s classrooms. One of those days was “Whisper Day.” I’d greet kids at the door and ask them, with a finger across my lips, in a very personal welcome, “Do you know what day it is? It’s Whisper Day.” I’d exaggerate the phrase “Whisper Day” by crouching a little as I explained it, bringing my 6’2” frame down to their eye level. There would be a written note on the chalk board: “Whisper Day!”

Angela would imitate my posture. Dang, what I did affected her. When the kids spoke in whispers, they would earn a point in our reinforcement system. What I was doing was influencing my students.

In one summer camp situation, I was riding on a camp bus with lots of children. I was sitting just a row in front of Angela and Patsy, who were great pals during their early elementary years. They were giggling, nearly acting up (which was unusual for both of them) by being too goofy. So I turned around and asked them what was happening. Angela said, “We were just laughing about our name for you.” She paused and looked at Patsy, and said, “Smiley.”

What I learned was that my students were not just learning from me, they were influencing me. We were in a reciprocal relationship. That insight was terrifically powerful for me. I influenced Angela and Angela influenced me.

I needed to design environments to promote better outcomes for Angela. I was the adult in the relationship, and my duty was to help Angela succeed. I needed to harness that reciprocal relationship.

She, and many other kids, taught me a lot. Not the least was that she appreciated that she was learning.

Angela

So, the letters from Angela, many years after we had been together in classrooms, were another part of her educating me. I learned a lot by her forthright correspondence, which readers may revisit at the links at the end of this note.

As I hope readers have learned, Angela was a wonderful kid who later became a good friend. I have correspondence with many former students, correspondence that I am very glad to have, but I especially value the letters from Angela. While I was in her classrooms, she learned to read and write! She learned to care about others!

I think of the letters from Angela as reflecting a success story. Sure, she had problems (e.g., buying into bogus therapies), but the little girl I knew had grown up and was doggedly pursuing employment. She was achieving a foundational outcome for our society: A happy marriage. Wins all around. Yay!

Hearing about Angela

After I hadn’t had a dear-john letter from Angela for many months, I was surprised that I got an explanation in about 1993. Angela’s mother, whom I’d known since the 1960s, called me. She said she was going through Angela’s things and she’d found our correspondence, including my phone numbers.

She told me that Angela had died.

Angela and her love, Brian, had wed. Soon thereafter, Angela had developed a rare blood disorder. She died two weeks after her wedding.

Angela’s mother said it was terribly hard for her to tell me that Angela had gotten so close to what her mother consider Angela’s chance at human joy, only to have it snatched away from her. I tried to suppress my own grief about the news of Angela’s death in the context of her mother, whom I’d seen at a classroom door so often, feeling compelled to tell me her own, terrible, personal sorrow.

That phone call from Angela’s mother marked the end of the correspondence, but it has regularly added a hue of sadness to my happy recollections of Angela. Still, I celebrate my opportunity to learn from Angela.

Sources

Previous posts:

Special Education Today
Dear John: Letters from Angela—1
[This is the first in an extended series of posts that, I hope, illuminate the life of an individual with disabilities. The content is actual letters that a former student sent me; as I’ll explain in the next entry, they are literal transcriptions. Rather than tell you my story, let Angela tell you her own story. I’ll provide context in subsequent posts…
Read more
3 years ago · 3 likes · John Wills Lloyd
Special Education Today
Dear John: Letters from Angela—2
[I posted a note that was essentially the content of a letter I received from a student whom I knew in the mid 1960s. In this post, I give a bit of context. After this message, I’ll return to letting Angela tell her own story.—JohnL] Angela was a child I first met when she was about seven years old and I was volunteering in a primary age classroom for ch…
Read more
3 years ago · 2 likes · John Wills Lloyd
Special Education Today
Dear John: Letters from Angela—3
[This is the third in a series of posts recollecting a student, Angela, whom I knew when I was first working in special education. Most of the posts are literal copies of letters Angela sent me, but this one is my recolletions that I hope provide context. The posts are numbered sequentially, so readers can recognize them by their titles. —JohnL…
Read more
3 years ago · 3 likes · John Wills Lloyd
Special Education Today
Dear John: Letters from Angela—4
[This is the fourth installment of the series featuring correspondence with a former student, Angela. In this one Angela introduces and fellow student, Patsy, with whom she became great pals. I redacted some identifying language. Please note that in this letter, Angela gave me permission to share her letters. I’ll recount more about this permission in a…
Read more
3 years ago · 2 likes · John Wills Lloyd
Special Education Today
Dear John—Letters from Angela—5
May 21, 1990 Dear John, How are you doing? I did not mean to complain about the job. It was just stress. Things are a lot better. Part of the problem was that I’ve had not been feeling well in the last few months. I was really moddy, and cranky and had abdominal pains until the last straw fell. I’ve had to go into the Emergency Room…
Read more
3 years ago · 1 like · John Wills Lloyd
Special Education Today
Dear John: Letters from Angela—6
December 26, 1990 Dear John: How are you doing? It was good talking to you on the phone a week and a half ago, and I just want to thank you for sending the article on learning disability and adults. It did not bring me down, but in fact I feel a lot better after reading it because I do not feel that I am the only one struggling with this. I woul…
Read more
3 years ago · 4 likes · 1 comment · John Wills Lloyd
Special Education Today
Dear John—Letters from Angela—7
November 7, 1991 Dear John, I am very sorry that I've lost touch with you because I've been through a lot in the past year since January 1991. How are you doing? Well I'm doing better, but this past Janauary I've had another major depressive episode with agitation and hyperactivity, but I've been stablized now for 3 months which is great. After I rec…
Read more
3 years ago · 2 likes · John Wills Lloyd
Special Education Today
Dear John: Letters from Angela—8
Jan 22, 1992 Dear John, How are you doing? Well it's going to be three weeks tomorrow being back in Southern California. I did had a nice time in New York, but it would of been better because number one I've gotten hurt emotionally by my Aunt [redacted]. Aunt [redacted] was very drunk at the time when she said some very hurtful things to me. It took …
Read more
3 years ago · 1 like · John Wills Lloyd
Special Education Today
Dear John: Letters from Angela—9
Feb 10, 1992 Dear John, It was good talking to you the phone two weeks ago. How are you? I’m sorry to complain too much in the last letter about my hurt in New York and about my Depression. I am doing a lot better now. I am more stablize. Well I made it through the first three weeks of my evaluation. I’ve did food service for the three weeks. I …
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3 years ago · 1 like · 1 comment · John Wills Lloyd

Lloyd, J. W., & Lloyd, P. A. (2014). Reinforcing success: What special education could learn from its earlier accomplishments. Remedial and Special Education, 36(2), 77-82. https://doi.org/10.1177%2F0741932514560025


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